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Gen. Chat “The best story you will ever hear.” by akanepanda

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akanepanda 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Beer Pretz named "Needs more beer."
A few people on this site have already heard this, but it's too awesome to not post on OB. This is 100% true.

My friend gets a call from his ex-girlfriend, who works in a boutique on Melrose Ave (in L.A.), and he learns about her day:

She was working alone, and it was closing time. She locks the front door, grabs her stuff and heads to the back entrance, which leads into an alley.

As she goes to open the back door, she notices a homeless man. He's pretty much fucking the building while staring at some bridal picture display they had up next to it. Like, actually having sex with some hole or crevice, or god knows what.

She sees him and gasps. He looks at her, stops fucking the wall, and lunges for the door that's now slightly open. He manages to get his hand in, but she jumps back and kicks the door closed, on his hand. He yells, pulls it back, she locks it, and runs back into the store.

She is completely freaking out.

She grabs her phone, and calls 911. She gets the message "Due to the high volume of calls we are receiving, we can't take your call right now.. etc, etc"

So now she's panicking. She unlocks the front door and runs out to try and find some help.

Now, out in front of the store, she looks to her right. The only person there is a DIFFERENT cracked out homeless dude.

She looks to her left. It's the original "I like to fuck buildings" homeless guy. He had found his way around the building, and was coming after her with his arms outstretched like a freaking zombie.

So now she just LOSES it and runs out into the street. Just as she does this, a car pulls up on the other side of the road. She runs up to it, screaming and crying for them to help her because of crazy perverted zombie homeless man who is still coming for her.

A white dude jumps out of the back of the car, then a giant black guy gets out of the front. They both take off after the crazy homeless man and chase him away.

They come back, and she thanks them profusely as the white dude gets back in the car. As he does, she recognizes him.

The giant black guy comes over to her, gets right up to her face and says, "MARK WAHLBERG GOT YO' BACK."

He gets in the car and they drive away.

Moderator John Booty Says:

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SpeedBrkr 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Starman named "I AM INVINCIBLE!!!1!11"
Whoa.
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Hil-Hil 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Totoro Plushie named "Phil Pabbles"
Holy shit, I'm moving to LA
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Johnny Landmine 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Devo Hat named "Effective non-streaking protection from Space Junk"
This story is made that much better by the fact that I still can't see him as anything other than "Marky Mark."
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P.Y.T. 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Hello Kitty Vibrator named "Oohhh.. Kimochiiii~~"
Mark fuckin' Wahlberg! Omigoddddddd.
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akanepanda 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Beer Pretz named "Needs more beer."
In Los Angeles, the police won't help you... but the celebrities will.
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Remember Lommy Greenhands 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Bi Curi-O's Cereal named "skyknyt tested, exploding alex approved"
Not going to rest until MARK WAHLBERG GOT YOUR BACK is a comment, no matter how many times John wants his cock jerked.
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BLAM! 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Dante's Ebony+Ivory named "Blam Blam Blam"
Awesome story and i can't help but imagine Mark Wahlberg telling her to say hello to her mother for him before the "MARK WAHLBERG GOT YO Back" comment.

Also:
MomoMcMomomo said:
Not going to rest until MARK WAHLBERG GOT YOUR BACK is a comment, no matter how many times John wants his cock jerked.
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chenzan 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Muscat-Flavored Candy named "They really mean Vagina Flavored. Mine."
dude...dude. fucking marky mark feel it feel it. dude.
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akanepanda 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Beer Pretz named "Needs more beer."
Okay, this happened about 3 months ago. The reason I posted this, is because I just got the follow-up story tonight.

My friend's friend (everyone in L.A. is a friend's friend, btw) is a make-up artist for Mark. Mark and him are buddies, but not BEST buddies (the dude still works for him).

Also, let's call the make-up artist "Steve", to make things easier.

So my friend tells Steve the homeless man story.

Steve loses it. "Dude, I WORK for Mark! I see him everyday! I'm going to ask him about it!"

The next day, Steve goes to Mark and says "So... I heard you had a run-in with a homeless guy on Melrose.... "

Mark stops, and glares at him, "Yeah, seriously, don't believe everything you hear."

Steve nods and is quiet, finishes his job, and immediately goes outside to have a smoke.

Steve is FREAKING out, thinking "ohmygod, I pissed off Mark Wahlberg. Ohmygod, I'm going to get fired. Why did I say that?! Ohshitohshitohshit!"

Mark suddenly comes outside, puts his hand on Steve's shoulder and says "It's okay dude, not everything in Hollywood is real." He then walks away.

Steve sorta breathes a sigh of relief, because it all seems to be cool.

Then, at the end of the walkway, Mark turns around and yells at Steve:

"MARK WAHLBERG GOT YO' BACK!"
PS: Yeah, I heard "Steve" tell this story on speakerphone, and there have been many witnesses.
I have no idea how this shit has not been in the tabloids yet.

Moderator Mrs. Mink Says:

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Patty Boh 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Alucard's 454 Casull named "BANG BANG BANG BANG and take your money!"
MomoMcMomomo said:
Not going to rest until MARK WAHLBERG GOT YOUR BACK is a comment
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yuushi 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Most Amazing Thing Ever!!!! named "What Is and What Should Never Be"
Well, I guess this is a start at making up for starring in The Happening
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Mark Argent 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Fire Flower named "o/` I'M FUH-LAAAAAAAMING! o/`"
MomoMcMomomo said:
Not going to rest until MARK WAHLBERG GOT YOUR BACK is a comment, no matter how many times John wants his cock jerked.
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EvilJorge 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Pimp Hat named "Sir William's Chapeau"
MomoMcMomomo said:
Not going to rest until MARK WAHLBERG GOT YOUR BACK is a comment, no matter how many times John wants his cock jerked.

Is there a line forming now?
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Mark Argent 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Fire Flower named "o/` I'M FUH-LAAAAAAAMING! o/`"
EvilJorge said:
Is there a line forming now?


When isn't there?
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Laurette 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Your very own cow named "Hardington Edgewood Graves III"
This truly is the best story ever, especially with the follow-up.

Also:
MomoMcMomomo said:
Not going to rest until MARK WAHLBERG GOT YOUR BACK is a comment, no matter how many times John wants his cock jerked.
Even though I'll just get my guy friend to do the jerking for me since I know as a girl it won't work as well.
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RogueSamus 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Power Armor Upgrade: "Screw Attack" named "I'm chopping all of my actions but mostly power"
Donnie is so proud I bet
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SteelViagra 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Censored Sushi *gasp* named "SCANDALATIOUS"
Woah. This is awesome. I really hope I run into him someday. I am going to shout "MARK WAHLBURG GOT YO BACK!" He will then respond with a confused blank stare.
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AngelMeatPie 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Ein Plushie named "STFU"
Oh man, this is awesome and totally just made my morning better.
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DoomMonky 10 years ago on 01/22/09
Equipped: Bukkake Bucket named "Protein Shake"
You really went out of your way for that joke. :)

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