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Otaku Chat “The Corporate Ladder of Doom (Play-By-Post D&D)” by The Naniwa Tiger

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The Naniwa Tiger 22 months ago on 06/17/12
Equipped: Kato Mask named "More than meets the eye. Bruce Lee in disguse!"
Players: Ryan the Lion, DoomMonky, Kapt Dai, Tulip O'Hare, Chrispy, Jonci, Orin Sempton

Chapter 1: A Poor Investment


"Ah, tonight is the annual Festival of Fools," Thaug, a Lick Lord, remarks to himself as he stands at the top of a hill overlooking Buttermist, a large, enterprising city hub of industry, marketing, and resources. "And each of those fools will be my slave!"
With a simple festive mask Thaug strolls incognito through the crowds as he looks for a suitable place to perform his ritual to conquer the city. That building is too tall. Those walls are too decayed. That hallway has vomit. The Lich Lord was becoming very annoyed by a lack of a suitable scene. Then something tugs at his robe.
"Why, if it isn't Thaug," cracks the voice of an imp. "What brings a fool like you to the Festival of Fools?"
"Kegs," Thaug replies. "How quaint to see you here. If you must know I will have this whole city under my control by midnight."
"Oh, oh! You're finally going to do it?" Kegs asks as his tail whips around in excitement.
"Yes, but I'm still looking for-"
"Yeah, yeah! Look, me and a pack of the other abyss boys are partying down at a tavern. Let's celebrate the coming downfall for a bit," Kegs urges with a twinkle in his demonic eyes.
"I really shouldn't. You know how hard those guys like to party," Thaug comments. "Besides, I need to have complete concentration for this ritual."
"You know they have your favorite ale."
"Ashes to Ashes?" Thaug asks as what would be his eyes gleam.
"You know it!"

12 hours later...

A ray of sun begins to burn on the skull of Thaug, waking the Lich from a painful, weary sleep. His head rattled with a thumping of ethereal clouds fuming through his skull equal to what humans would call a "hangover." The Lich groggily sits up against the wall of what looks to be a cave and sees a note lying on the ground.
"Oh it seems our grand ol' Thaug can't hold his drink anymore. Too bad. Shit happens when you party hard. And by "shit" I mean that you lost your "phylactery" or whatever you call that thing in a poor bet. If you want it back I'll sell it to you for [INDESCRIBABLE NUMBER]. But, I don't want to be the bad guy here, so I left you "THE DANK CAVE OF HORRIBLENESS" under your control, so do what you want with it. Tootles!"
Thaug would have exploded with indescribable rage, but his mythical hangover was killing him beyond measure. He stumbles down into the depths (or more like just a depth for this dank cave) of The Dank Cave of Horribleness and summons a group of spirits to his command.
"Look, my morning is starting off bad. I don't care what your names are, and you can tell me later if you really wish to do so, but the first order of business is to 1) find monsters to use and 2) advertise that this cave exists or whatever. I don't care how you do it, but get out there and GO!"

(OOC: You can carry out your tasks in either order, which are 1) find the monster you are going to use and 2) spread word about the Dank Cave of Horribleness. Hint: It might be easier to possess a person to advertise, then find your monster. Skill checks will be involved. Good hunting! And advertising. And whatever. Blah, blah, blah. Kill points will be rewarded for these tasks.)
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The Naniwa Tiger 22 months ago on 06/17/12
Equipped: Kato Mask named "More than meets the eye. Bruce Lee in disguse!"
Game Map: https://...google.com/...2HmCLffLoiUVKhl-m5IQP9fMLWY8/edit

Send me your emails so that I can share the document with you all. It's not finished as of right now. I'll let you guys know.
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Jonci 22 months ago on 06/17/12
Equipped: Link's Bomb named "For Use Against Mods"
I'm going to find someone to slip the local towncryer a new message to shout about. "Nearby cavern haunted by dangerous creatures. The kingdom is offering a handsome bounty to rid us of these monsters!"
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Orin Sempton 22 months ago on 06/17/12
Equipped: Map to Secret Pirate Hideout named "X never, ever, marks the spot"
Possess the old town drunk and have him tell stories about the riches to be found within the Dank Cave of Horribleness to any and all adventurers in the taverns.
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Chrispy 22 months ago on 06/17/12
Equipped: The Most Annoying Fairy Ever named "Hey! Listen! Hey! Hey! Listen!"
Master Thaug seems especially pleased with my performance as of late. After spilling his coffee this morning I swept it back into his cup (he always says to waste not want not) and served it to him. Extra bitter, he grinned at me with his teeth showing and rich eyebrows furrowed, before he used his great paw to tenderly push me at the stone wall. His great strength must have been too much for me as I'm sure I bruised my wisp somewhere. A sure sign of his love for his humblest servant.

Later, Master called myself and the others out of our limitless naps with a few small errands, unlike the simple serving and cooking we are usually honored with. "I am just a mote beside your greatness," I bowed with my shapeless form, and began my duties.

First, I flew slowly through the winds to the local tavern and attempted to borrow the over-night travellers. One by one, I hoped to tell tales of the wonderful Thaug Cave, with its damp dimness and dim dampness, full of shaggy and smelly creatures to play with.
 
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DoomMonky 22 months ago on 06/18/12
Summoning hurts Gretch. Gretch was very busy being not summoned when mean Master binds Gretch to Master's will. Yes, very busy. Now Master wants old dead Gretch to go find some skin suit to lure mounted skin suits to dirty cave.

Well, Gretch will show cruel Master. Gretch will bring the best skin suits to stupid cave and force mean Master to release Gretch.

I find someone on the same wavelength as myself, possibly a child, fool, or simpleton, preferably one that has his own "armor and weapon" and take him into town square to recruit an adventuring party to lead himself into the cave, to destroy the "mean old Master."
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Tulip O'Hare 22 months ago on 06/18/12
Equipped: Giant Robot named K-Devil named "Big Brother Is Watching You"
Liches. All the same. They do one thing wrong and then they howl and cry and they gotta go kick a buncha "lesser" undead into fixin' it for 'em. Would I ever fall for an imp gettin' me drunk? No way, man. Not in life and not now. But would a _lich_ ever admit that? Noooooo. Some all-powerful evil undead Thaug is. Let the little guy do all the REAL evil work, AGAIN...

Step 1: Find monster. Lure drunk evil mortal from the Festival into woods or swamp near the town. Lead toward Shadowfell, then into nastiest terrain possible to induce fall-related death. Await suffusion of evil blood into local plants.

Step 2: Advertise. Skulk on edges of town looking for sympathetic, portable mortal -- ideally a child or a small pretty female. Abduct mortal, causing injury first if needed, let its screams draw the attention of others, and drag it through the woods toward the cave.
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Kapt Dai 22 months ago on 06/18/12
Equipped: Icha Icha Paradise
... bloody hell. How'd I get swept up into this mess...? Balls... Well, at least I enjoy killin'. Gotta get some idiots in this damnable cave first. And I think I know just how to do it.

Possess some misbegotten minstrel in town, and make him sing songs of the Cave on bustling street corners. "Now I tell ye all of cave, that could send ye to the grave; And if ye dare risk your life, ye be handsomely rewarded for yer strife. Full o' monsters and ghouls, this be no place fer fools. And if ye happen to kill the Lich... shiiiit you'll be RICH BITCH!"
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Jonci 22 months ago on 06/19/12
Equipped: Link's Bomb named "For Use Against Mods"
Okay, I did the advertising. Now I need a monster. I think the master will enjoy an imp doing some work after one tricked him, hehee. And I know where to find those. Always whispering into some nobleman's ears, trying to do some wicked things.
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The Naniwa Tiger 22 months ago on 06/19/12
Equipped: Kato Mask named "More than meets the eye. Bruce Lee in disguse!"
(OOC: I'll make an update as soon as Ryan makes a post.)
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Orin Sempton 22 months ago on 06/19/12
Equipped: Map to Secret Pirate Hideout named "X never, ever, marks the spot"
People should be flooding the cave now looking for wealth... I wonder if master will be happy? Shut up and get back to work! Hey, don't tell me what to do! Master still wants us to find a monster you useless thing. Don't call me useless! But you are. No I'm not, I did one of the tasks master asked us to do. But you haven't done both. I'm working on it! Well work harder! Well I would if you would shut up, we need to think... Ah Kenku. You think master will like Birdmen? They like dark places. Yesssss. What better place for one then the Dank Cave.

You know, maybe the Thieves guild will have one... Maybe you're not so useless after all. Lets get him. Lets.
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The Naniwa Tiger 22 months ago on 06/21/12
Equipped: Kato Mask named "More than meets the eye. Bruce Lee in disguse!"
The sun has set on the city of Buttermist and many of the citizens have turned in for the night, yet one small tavern, The Bumbling Barroom, is alive with drunken life.

"Yeah, apparently a lot of us travelers have been disappearing in that dank old cave just outside the edge of the city," one small man proclaims. "Then again I hear that there's some treasure to be found."

"Treasure," a regular drunk pipes up. "I could buy pints for weeks!"

"Yeah, let's get ourselves some gold," another adds.

"Guys," the traveler interrupts. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"BOOZE!"

"BOOBS!"

"YEEEEEEEEAH!'

A handful of the tavern drunks gather their farm tools and make a run for the Dank Cave of Horribleness with the hopes of gold running through their hazy brains. Without any sort of plan they charge into the entrance of the cave.

(OOC: Everyone who submitted towards advertising gets 1 kill point. Chrispy gets 1 more kill point because I liked his entry the best.
Combat will start. Roll for initiative!)
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Chrispy 22 months ago on 06/22/12
Equipped: The Most Annoying Fairy Ever named "Hey! Listen! Hey! Hey! Listen!"


Image: 320x480 PNG, 308KB. Click to view.
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Jonci 22 months ago on 06/22/12
Equipped: Link's Bomb named "For Use Against Mods"
I rolled a 10.
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Orin Sempton 22 months ago on 06/22/12
Equipped: Map to Secret Pirate Hideout named "X never, ever, marks the spot"
Rolled a 14

Image: 504x387 JPG, 84KB. Click to view.
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Kapt Dai 22 months ago on 06/22/12
Equipped: Icha Icha Paradise
Rolled a 19
 
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DoomMonky 22 months ago on 06/23/12
Got a 9
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Ryan the Lion 22 months ago on 06/23/12
Equipped: Radtaculous Glove of POWWWEER named "Knife-proof bionic hand!"
OOC: Sorry for the delay guys, been sick. My spirits did something early on to incur Lord Thaug's wrath and we've been being flogged by Thaug in a bog.

Rolled a 1 for initiative.

Image: 504x384 JPG, 48KB. Click to view.
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Tulip O'Hare 22 months ago on 06/25/12
Equipped: Giant Robot named K-Devil named "Big Brother Is Watching You"
Rolled 11
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The Naniwa Tiger 22 months ago on 06/26/12
Equipped: Kato Mask named "More than meets the eye. Bruce Lee in disguse!"
(OOC: This is the turn order. The first three players can make their moves at any time since this is group initiative. Post your actions, movements, role playing, etc.

Initiative Order

Kapt Dai - 19+5 = 24 (HP 65/65; Bloodied 32) <--- CURRENT TURN. GROUP INITIATIVE)
CAPTAIN AMODICA - 19+4 = 23 (HP 64/64; Bloodied 32) <--- CURRENT TURN. GROUP INITIATIVE)
Orin Sempton - 14+8 = 22 (HP 126/126; Bloodied 63) <--- CURRENT TURN. GROUP INITIATIVE)
Drunkard A
Drunkard B
Drunkard C
DoomMonky - 9+4 = 18 (HP 156/156; Bloodied 78)
Tulip O'Hare - 11+7 = 18 (HP 67/67; Bloodied 33)
Jonci (Imp) - 10+8 = 18 (HP 40/40; Bloodied 20)
Jonci (Stonefist Defender) - 10+6 = 16 (HP 38/38; Bloodied 19)
Drunkard D
Drunkard E
Drunkard F
Ryan the Lion - 1+5 = 6 (HP 76/76; Bloodied 38)
Drunkard G
Drunkard H)

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