Kaito

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Bakersfield, CA

Joined: 12 years ago on 03/24/07
Last Visit: 11 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

View all public photos... (4 total)

• You've viewed their Profile 4647 times

[current user isn't logged in]

Kaito is currently piloting STEAMPOWERED PATRIOT with UndeadBooty

STEAMPOWERED PATRIOT's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Supple Hammer Volley
• Shoulder-Mounted Hockey Stick

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash lightning-like offense designed to confuse the Kaiju by murdering their children. Cannot be damaged by sensitive caresses. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may explode randomly, killing everybody inside, if the pilots don't really have their shit together. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without destroying each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of old martial arts movies and intellectual stimulation. Existence threw a fucking curveball when parents were eaten by giant robots, which is kind of a recurring hime here. It was at the age of 19 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Each joyful beat-down was a step away from the triumph that his parents expected from him.

Schooled at M.I.T. where he studied his own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that he was a true genius. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of a tiger with frankly unnecessary levels of violence, termed "Elegant Strapping Fieldhand Style", he soon gained the admiration of perverts all over the world.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent affair despite annoying the shit out of the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.

Refusing to get a clue, he dedicated himself to opening his hearts to change and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot worse at something other than this if he hugged a puppy once in a while. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Can excel with a little love.