Chrispy

Age: 28
Gender: M
Location: Baltimore, MD

Joined: 7 years ago on 04/11/07
Last Visit: 6 hours ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 20 days from now

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Chrispy is currently piloting VOLCANO OMEGA with Imaginos

VOLCANO OMEGA's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Breathtaking Gauntlet
• Double-Suckerpunch Formation Seizure

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash overwhelming offense designed to embarrass the Kaiju by murdering their genitals. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Resilient Eruption, a plan to use a game-changing, secret boner pill to prolong struggle against Kaiju. Sometimes, the pilots' parents have complimented the pilots' sexual health. One thing is certain: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and live to smash some Kaiju friends.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by fairly normal parents in the tranquil slums of Seattle. Existence threw a fucking curveball when friends were killed by ninjas. It was at the age of 6 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. As time progressed, he mastered the techniques of flower arranging. Each joyful yeast infection was a step away from being less of an asshole that his heart yearned for.

Slept with a village of hobos despite a total lack of bowel control because sometimes life is crazy like that.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing failure despite "accidentally" killing his copilot. Classified intel indicates most of the city was destroyed and the rest was burned to the ground.

In the aftermath of the touching Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to General by some motherfucker with a bunch of medals on his chest.

"The thing is," says his best friend, "He'd be a lot worse at something other than this if he opened up his hearts. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.