Cougar Meat

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Pasadena, MD

Joined: 12 years ago on 05/30/07
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 1269 days from now

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Cougar Meat is currently piloting ATOMIC TSUNAMI with Jkid

ATOMIC TSUNAMI's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Mysterious Groin Jump-Kick
• Triple-Jump-Kick Penetation

DOSSIER: Role is to supply intense offense intended to pulverize the Kaiju by speed-humping their feelings. Impervious to harsh criticism. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they kick the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of old martial arts movies and intellectual stimulation. Not really aroused by the Kaiju murder of family dog guys that really knew how to party, in his own way. At an early age, showed great aptitude for playing the piano, but struggled with with controlling his emotions. It was at the age of 6 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Reluctantly spent the next several hours fighting for survival in a secret alley. Each erotic fuck-up was a step toward being less of an asshole that his parents expected from him.

Slept with a village of hobos despite a total lack of bowel control because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent success despite falling in love with Whoopi Goldberg. Classified intel indicates most of the town was destroyed and the rest was pretty happy about it.

When the dust settled after the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to potato peeler, first class by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

"Listen up, rookie, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and half of your robot is on fire and the other half is severely damaged you better forget everything you think you know and react to the crazy situation right in front of you. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. And trust me, this is one pilot who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Could save us all someday.