John Booty

Age: 44
Gender: M
Location: Audubon, NJ

Joined: 17 years ago on 12/03/02
Last Visit: 50 days ago
Type: HEAD DORK
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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John Booty is currently piloting WONDROUS GOITER with Phaedra

WONDROUS GOITER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Crimson Nippletwister
• Spectacular Suckerpunch of Doom

DOSSIER: Likes to help other Jaeger pilots by fortifying their party capabilities. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Flagrant Sword, a plan to use a fucked-up, ancient fried chicken recipe to end erectile dysfunction. Cannot be damaged by violent attacks. During the Battle Of Yankee Stadium, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding lovemaking abilities. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to cause incurable cancer if the pilots don't really have their shit together. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they fingerbang the Kaiju without destroying each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by some serious assholes in the idyllic slums of Tanzania. Existence didn't really change much when his nipples were seduced by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 5 that he swore revenge. Decided to spend the next several hours doing nothing in a hidden toy store. Each joyful lesson was a step toward the ultimate revenge that that his sense of honor demanded.

Educated at Yale where he studied hand-to-hand combat, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him. With a fighting style that combined the spirit of a seasoned expert with frankly unnecessary levels of violence, termed "Ferocious Falcon Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of top-notch motherfuckers from around the world.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing crowd-pleaser despite impregnating everybody in the Western Hemisphere. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was immediately promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by by popular demand.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at something other than this if he hugged a puppy once in a while. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.