Jonci

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: Duluth, GA

Joined: 7 years ago on 09/04/07
Last Visit: 13 hours ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 286 days from now

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Jonci is currently piloting FERTILITY STALLION with MechaSteve

FERTILITY STALLION's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Tingle Machete Whirlwind
• Unhealthy Gauntlet

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply much-needed tax advice to other Jaegers, even during the heartbreak of undercover brawls. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Erotic Magical, a plan to use a game-changing, new boner pill to ensure Obamacare. Cannot be damaged by fire-based enemies. We can safely say that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Unstoppable Panty Raid when the pilots sacrificed two or three leading scientists in order to save some dude's record collection. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to cause incurable cancer if either pilot is Mexican, which is really racist if you think about it. Everybody agrees: these pilots are admirable and nobody questions their dedication to alcohol tolerance.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by wolves in the affluent foothills of Dayton. Existence was transformed permanently when friends were fellated by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 6 that he had a sex change. Spent the next several hours masturbating in a filthy basement. Each sexual day was a step toward being less of an asshole that his parents expected from him.

Slept with a village of hobos despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because of his burning passion to succeed. With a fighting style that combined the gassy outbursts of a tiger with surprising brutality, termed "Ferocious Strapping Fieldhand Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of instructors.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a completely insane success despite impregnating his copilot. Due to his actions, most of the town was saved and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.

When the dust settled after the touching clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by a guy that wandered in off of the street and was pretty much just into promoting people.

"Buddy, you can study the training videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything he taught you and adapt to the new situation right in front of you. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.