Kerridwynne

Age: 37
Gender: F
Location: Bethlehem, PA

Joined: 9 years ago on 09/07/07
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 116 days from now

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Kerridwynne is currently piloting BASTARD INFINITY with Fenrus

BASTARD INFINITY's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Somber Head Wedgie of Confusion
• Suffering Headbutt of Happiness

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply ferocious tax advice to civilians, even during the melancholy of covert skirmishes. As we all know historians will eventually celebrate the pilots for their role in Operation Flagrant Diddler, during which most of Baltimore was destroyed in an effort to capture a living Kaiju. Everybody agrees: these pilots are smoking hot and have an unequaled ability to explode some Kaiju faces.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of 'earthy' lesbian that has huge arms and is really into the Indigo Girls. Father was a mild-mannered librarian. Life was transformed permanently when nipples were seduced by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 23 that she dedicated herself to vengeance. Each surpising fuck-up was a step away from the bloody satisfaction that her parents expected from her.

Slept with a village of hobos despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because of her immense determination.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her first fight against a kaiju was a rousing success despite impregnating the old lady down the block. Classified intel indicates most of the city was destroyed and the rest was full of ungrateful assholes.

In the aftermath of the touching clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to the general's dogwalker by her commanding officer.

"Buddy, you can study the training videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything you learned and react to the life or death situation at hand. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. Believe me, this is one pilot who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: May be unfit for duty.