pookie

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: Brooklyn, NY

Joined: 14 years ago on 02/18/04
Last Visit: 12 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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pookie is currently piloting MINOTAUR OMEGA with Kapt Dai

MINOTAUR OMEGA's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Austistic Butt Stomp Flood
• Somber Chainsaw

DOSSIER: Job is is to disable Kaiju and supply courageous blowjobs to soldiers. Classified rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Rainbow Cumberbatch, a plan to use an experimental, ancient concentrated energy blast to end inflation. Certainly historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Flagrant Asskicking, during which most of Tokyo was destroyed in an effort to blow off some steam. At times, other Jaeger pilots have envied the pilots' dedication to partying. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without murdering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a famous CEO. Father was the kind of guy who didn't merely shit the bed - he rolled around in it as well.. Life threw a fucking curveball when parents were seduced by assassins. It was at the age of 23 that he swore revenge. Reluctantly spent the next several hours doing nothing in a hidden dojo. Each enchanting fuck-up was a step away from being less of an asshole that his parents expected from him.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because sometimes life is crazy like that. With a fighting style that combined the lewdness of a bull with unbeatable sensuality, termed "Ferocious Armadillo Style", he soon gained the erections of pretty much everybody.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a splendid thing that legends are made of despite impregnating his mother. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was pretty fucked-up to begin with so who cares really.

In the aftermath of the touching clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to Corporal by his first grade teacher.

"Listen up, rookie, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there fighting, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything he taught you and react to the fucked-up situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. And trust me, this is one crazy asshole who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.