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Beltane

Buster Machine No. 1314
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About Beltane

Age: 44
Gender: M
Location: Lakewood, NJ

Joined: 10 years ago on 02/18/04
Last Visit: 4 days ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Would You Hit It? Would Beltane?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“Hello, everybody! My name is Doug and I've been an anime fan and Japanophile for just a little more than half my life (jeez, has it been that long?).I'd say more, but there diesn't seem to be enough space ^ ^;”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“Outside of anime I also enjoy watching and reading science-fiction and fantasy, travelling, hiking and just generally enjoying life.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I work in a party store. Not a very exciting job, but I like it.”

What's your dream job?

“I'd love to be able to get payed to play video games.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I once participated in a cosplay skit as Howard Stern that featured about 20 people and made absolutely no sense”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“I'd like to meet someone that enjoys anime, of course, but also a person that is easy going, smart, and fun to be with. ”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“If it's with the right person I don't mind. There is always the internet/telephone”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Macross, Gundam, Maison Ikkoku, Marmalade Boy and countless others.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“Watching anime and reading manga, building model kits, collecting books and cds.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“I will be attending Sakura Con, maybe Anime Next, Otakon, and possibly NekoCon”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Final Fantasy, Lunar, Ys”

Jaeger Assignment

Beltane is currently piloting QUARTERBACK MAYHEM with Anti

QUARTERBACK MAYHEM's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Million-Choke-Hold Thrust Festival
  • Ear-Mounted Machete

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash intense offense intended to disable the Kaiju by fucking up their children. Classified rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Resilient Unicorn, a plan to use a fucked-up, secret concentrated energy blast to end erectile dysfunction. Impervious to bad advice. Perhaps that one of its most celebrated moments of the war occured during Operation Unstoppable Hogwarts when the pilots sacrificed countless abortion clinics in order to save a fellow Jaeger pilot. One thing is certain: these pilots are admirable and have one purpose, which is to smash some Kaiju brains.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of grain alcohol and comic books. At an early age, showed much promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 6 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Each surpising beat-down was a step closer to being less of an asshole that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Unlocked his inner unicorn at Oxford where he studied Eastern religion, where it soon became apparent that he was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day. With a fighting style that combined the gassy outbursts of a bull with never-before-seen power, termed "Elegant Strapping Fieldhand Style", he soon gained the admiration of pretentious assholes everywhere.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up thing that legends are made of despite infuriating basically everybody. According to survivors, most of the town was saved and the rest was burned to the ground.

Refusing to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he dedicated himself to opening his hearts to change and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot worse at fucking up some fucking Kaiju if he stopped being an asshole. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.

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