Wampus Cat is currently piloting BEEFCAKE BEEFCAKE with junun
BEEFCAKE BEEFCAKE's special combat abilities are known to include:
Desperation Suplex
Sexuality Punch
DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support other Jaegers by augmenting their sensual power. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Final Storm, a plan to use a game-changing, truly astonishing violent sexual onslaught to prolong this war for human survival. May be vulnerable to melancholy. One thing is certain: these pilots are erotic and have one purpose, which is to destroy some Kaiju faces.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of mom you wish you had. Father was a drug lord. Existence was transformed permanently when imaginary friends were fellated by her little brother. It was at the age of 19 that she discovered bathing. Each enchanting lesson was a step away from the ultimate revenge that that her sense of honor demanded.
Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite excessive body odor because her mother forced her to. With a fighting style that combined the gassy outbursts of a bull with depressingly inconsistent passion, termed "Elegant Monkey Style", she soon gained the sensitive touchings of pretty much everybody.
She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked triumph despite annoying the shit out of basically everybody. Due to her actions, most of the town was saved and the rest was burned to the ground.
Deciding to get a clue, she dedicated herself to drinking a lot and has been making some pretty good progress.
"Buddy, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you think you know and react to the new situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. Trust me, this is one crazy asshole who has mastered that."
Psyche eval recommendation: Can excel with a little love.
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