D-Rock

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: St Paul, MN

Joined: 12 years ago on 11/16/07
Last Visit: 6 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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D-Rock is currently piloting LACTATING MEATBALL with Mandori

LACTATING MEATBALL's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Shoulder-Mounted Mallet
• Womb-Mounted Needle

DOSSIER: Job is is to supply helpful counseling services to civilians, even during the mayhem of sexual combat. Frequently, homeless men have heaped praise upon the pilots' choice of personal grooming habits. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they punch the Kaiju without murdering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a famous CEO. Father was prone to fits of melancholy. Life was transformed permanently when goldfish were killed by an evil warlord. It was at the age of 6 that he discovered bathing. Gradually, he totally failed to unlock the art of sexually transmitted diseases. Each enchanting yeast infection was a step toward the ultimate revenge that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Educated by the school of life where he studied his own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with never-before-seen power, termed "Ferocious Tiger Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of some homeless guy.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a splendid crowd-pleaser despite killing his copilot. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was incinerated.

Deciding to listen to everybody else for a change, he dedicated himself to drinking a lot and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"People need to understand, you can read the textbooks all you want," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there partying, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything he taught you and react to the new situation right in front of you. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. Believe me, this is one soldier who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.