DrCrowdPleaser is currently piloting AUSTISTIC VALKYRIE with Guu
AUSTISTIC VALKYRIE's special combat abilities are known to include:
Darkness Bodycheck
Triple-Uppercut Inferno
DOSSIER: Likes to help friendly forces by improving their offensive capabilities. Impervious to harsh criticism. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are fun-loving and live to explode some Kaiju genitals.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Homeless family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and religion. Profoundly affected by the conversion to Islam of father at one really bizarre county fair. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with not slaughtering literally every living being he encountered. It was at the age of 6 that he swore revenge. Spent the next several seconds fighting for survival in a seriously shady comic book store. Each erotic beat-down was a step closer to the sensitive touching that most people would stay the fuck away from.
Unlocked his inner unicorn at Yale where he studied the best ways to get laid, where it soon became apparent that he was a true genius. With a fighting style that combined the speed of a scampering ferret with surprising levels of violence, termed "Ferocious Strapping Fieldhand Style", he soon gained the erections of pretty much everybody.
After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a completely insane crowd-pleaser despite killing his best friend. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that would have made the toughest hombre you ever met shit his pants in three seconds flat.
Deciding to learn a lesson, he re-dedicated himself to totally wussing out whenever possible and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.
"People need to understand, you can read the textbooks all you want," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you think you know and react to the fucked-up situation at hand. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Trust me, this is one soldier who understands that."
Psyche eval recommendation: A rare blend of sensuality and passion.
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