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thy_avatar

Buster Machine No. 1420
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About thy_avatar

Age: 36
Gender: F
Location: Gambrills, MD

Joined: 14 years ago on 02/22/04
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Jaeger Assignment

thy_avatar is currently piloting LUSTY WILDEBEEST with Shouchouji

LUSTY WILDEBEEST's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Penis-Mounted Knuckles
  • Laser Whip of Satisfaction

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash sporadic offense intended to disable the Kaiju by murdering their children. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Unstoppable Derelict, a plan to use a fucked-up, new boner pill to decisively end this war for human survival. One thing is certain: these pilots are terrifying and nobody questions their dedication to dedication to partying.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Homeless family provided a strict diet of organic vegetables and beatings. Existence threw a fucking curveball when parents were seduced by an evil warlord. It was at the age of 23 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. As time progressed, he mastered the art of Hokuto Shinken. Each enchanting beat-down was a step toward the ultimate revenge that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Schooled at the school of hard knocks where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent success despite infuriating his best friend. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was pretty fucked-up to begin with so who cares really.

When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided battle, pilot was angrily promoted to bat boy for the Mets by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.

"You, you can study the training videos all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there partying, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you think you know and react to the new situation at hand. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Trust me, this is one pilot who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling.

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