LORD AWESOME is currently piloting ELONGATED PATRIOT with Aeris
ELONGATED PATRIOT's special combat abilities are known to include:
Courageous Arm Pound of Judgement
Justice Haymaker
DOSSIER: Role is is to destroy Kaiju and supply courageous blowjobs to basically anybody who asks. Sometimes, homeless men have expressed concern over the pilots' intensity. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they fingerbang the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Raised by wolves in the idyllic foothills of Seattle. At an early age, showed great aptitude for playing the piano, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 6 that he reached puberty. Each enchanting moment was a step closer to the kind of shit that most people would stay the fuck away from.
Schooled at Sweet Valley High where he studied Eastern religion, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him.
He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked affair despite infuriating Whoopi Goldberg. Classified intel indicates most of the city was destroyed and the rest was burned to the ground.
Following the grueling clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to potato peeler, first class by his first grade teacher.
Experts have described his combat aptitude style as "embarrassing weaksauce", while others have described it as "seriously cool" and "some of the best Jaeger piloting since Bruce Lee ravaged Barcelona."
Psyche eval recommendation: May be unfit for duty.
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