BLAM!

Age: 43
Gender: M
Location: Springfield, NJ

Joined: 17 years ago on 02/22/04
Last Visit: 10 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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BLAM! is currently piloting TINGLE RUFFIAN with *Jibrielle*

TINGLE RUFFIAN's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Labia-Mounted Knuckles
• Billion-Dropkick Flood Whirlwind

DOSSIER: Role is is to insult Kaiju and supply tricky blowjobs to civilians. Top-secret whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Freedom, a plan to use a fucked-up, ancient violent sexual onslaught to end this war for human survival. As we all know that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Heroic Diddler when the pilots sacrificed several hundred homeless drunks in order to save some dude's record collection. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they break the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Loving family provided a strict diet of lima beans and comic books. Greatly devastated by the death of father because it was his idea in the first place. At an early age, showed much promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole. It was at the age of 19 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Each grueling moment was a step closer to the true mastery of self-control that that his sense of honor demanded.

Schooled by the school of life where he studied whatever the fuck he felt like studying, where it soon became apparent that he was a true genius. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of a scampering ferret with senseless speed, termed "Elegant Monkey Style", he soon gained the praise of nudists.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up crowd-pleaser despite infuriating basically everybody. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had absolutely zero friends.

Deciding to learn a lesson, he re-dedicated himself to drinking a lot and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"You, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all you want," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there partying, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the new situation at hand. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. Trust me, this is one pilot who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.