Happosai

Age: 56
Gender: M
Location: Clementon, NJ

Joined: 13 years ago on 12/23/07
Last Visit: 11 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Happosai is currently piloting SOMBER BASTARD with Shadowhood

SOMBER BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Dolphin's Laser
• Tingle Head Suplex

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply courageous counseling services to basically anybody who asks, even during the mayhem of full-force battles. Classified scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Secret Hercules, a plan to use a game-changing, secret doomsday device to decisively end this war for human survival. Perhaps historians will eventually celebrate the pilots for their role in Operation Highway Nightmare, during which most of Atlanta was destroyed in an effort to blow off some steam. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they fingerbang the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a famous CEO. Father was a mild-mannered librarian. Life threw a fucking curveball when goldfish were killed by ninjas. It was at the age of 6 that he discovered bathing. Decided to spend the next several years fucking people up in a seriously shady basement. Each enchanting lesson was a step away from the bloody satisfaction that his parents expected from him.

Educated on the streets where he studied Eastern religion, where it soon became apparent that he was a true genius. With a fighting style that combined the spirit of a bull with depressingly inconsistent speed, termed "Ferocious Bastard Style", he soon gained the attention of nudists.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent triumph despite "accidentally" killing his copilot. Classified intel indicates most of the town was saved and the rest was burned to the ground.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was angrily promoted to General by the President of what remained of the world.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot better at something other than this if he took my dick out of his mouth once in a while. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.