SCAMPERING NARWHAL's special combat abilities are known to include:
Legendary Soup Ladle
Doom Nippletwister
DOSSIER: Primary function is is to attack Kaiju and supply tricky counseling services to other Jaegers. Cannot be damaged by sensitive enemy attacks. During the Battle Of Los Angeles, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to remain calm while simultaneously displaying outstanding alcohol tolerance. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was one hell of a guy -- had the kind of pecs you'd kill for. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with chapped nipple. It was at the age of 5 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Each suprisingly filthy yeast infection was a step toward the bloody satisfaction that his parents expected from him.
Actually managed to finally make make a friend despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because of his burning passion to succeed.
After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent crowd-pleaser despite killing the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with unmatched power and ferocity.
When the dust settled after the touching clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to Chief Asskicker by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.
"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot better at embracing my love if he stopped being an asshole. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"
Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.
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