UndeadBooty

Age: 44
Gender: M
Location: Norristown, PA

Joined: 16 years ago on 02/24/04
Last Visit: 12 years ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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UndeadBooty is currently piloting STEAMPOWERED PATRIOT with Kaito

STEAMPOWERED PATRIOT's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Supple Hammer Volley
• Shoulder-Mounted Hockey Stick

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash lightning-like offense designed to confuse the Kaiju by murdering their children. Cannot be damaged by sensitive caresses. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may explode randomly, killing everybody inside, if the pilots don't really have their shit together. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without destroying each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a famous CEO. Father was deeply in love with her. Existence didn't really change much when nipples were kidnapped by ninjas. It was at the age of 5 that he reached puberty. Soon, he mastered the techniques of sexually transmitted diseases. Each joyful moment was a step away from being less of an asshole that that his sense of honor demanded.

Found himself at Yale where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was probably destined to be homeless. With a fighting style that combined the aroma of a drunken sailor with unbeatable sensuality, termed "Ferocious Bastard Style", he soon gained the praise of some homeless guy.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing success despite "accidentally" killing his best friend. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that would have made the toughest hombre you ever met shit his pants in three seconds flat.

Refusing to rest on his laurels, he re-dedicated himself to embracing his inner sensuality and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

"You, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there partying, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you learned and adapt to the life or death situation at hand. If you don't, you're fucked. Trust me, this is one crazy asshole who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Could save us all someday.