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Johnny Riot

Buster Machine No. 14542
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About Johnny Riot

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Phoenix, AZ

Joined: 9 years ago on 01/10/08
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I live and work right in the valley of the spun. Its really fucking hot outside a lot of the time.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

What do you do for fun?

“Rocking out and partying, especially at the same time.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Corporate office zombie.”

What's your dream job?

“Running a chocolate factory operated by swedish lesbians.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“One time I accidentally punched my friend in the mouth while playing Nintendo Wii. Which doesnt sound all that funny, but at the time we were laughing our asses off. Even my friend who took the WiiMote to the grill.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Here to make friends only”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“People into stuff like Sci-Fi, Comic Books, RPGs, etc. Pretty much anything that you got made fun of in high school for liking.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“I think they're for very sad people who get scammed into footing the bill to reship electronics internationally bought with stolen credit cards in foreign countries on American websites. Watch Dateline people.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Akira, Azumanga Daioh, FLCL, Martian Successor Nadesico, Berserk, Green Green, REC”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“punk, ska, oi, pre-86 crossover hardcore, rockabilly, psychobilly, horror punk, 80s post-punk/college indy rock, indy hip hop, nerdcore, folk/blues”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“I've played my fair share of tabletop rpgs, and sadly enough, I've even larped.”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Shadowrun, D&D, ”

Jaeger Assignment

Johnny Riot is currently piloting WONDROUS HURRICANE with sheena_bandy

WONDROUS HURRICANE's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Resourceful Chainsaw Formation
  • Hornet's Dildo

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support friendly forces by upgrading their defensive capabilities. Perhaps that one of its most infamous moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Magical when the pilots sacrificed several hundred abortion clinics in order to save the oldest remaining public library in Topeka. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to perform like a real pussy unless both pilots have been circumcised by the same doctors. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are heroic and live to aggressively fuck some Kaiju faces.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Homeless family provided a strict diet of popcorn and comic books. At an early age, showed much promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with discipline. It was at the age of 23 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Reluctantly spent the next several hours battling for his life in a seriously shady warehouse. Each enchanting yeast infection was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that his heart yearned for.

Educated in a secret Buddhist temple where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked affair despite annoying the shit out of his copilot. Due to his actions, most of the town was saved and the rest was burned to the ground.

In the aftermath of the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to Head Badass by the President of what remained of the world.

Experts have described his Jaeger tactics style as "amateur weaksauce", while others have described it as "brutally effecient" and "some of the best mayhem since Gen. George Patton sexually dominated all of my friends."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.

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