sami

Age: 39
Gender: F
Location: Wilmington, NC

Joined: 15 years ago on 02/24/04
Last Visit: 6 years ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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sami is currently piloting MAJESTY DANGER with Sans Sheriff

MAJESTY DANGER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Elbow-Mounted Cutlass Volley
• Austistic Bash

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply helpful massages to basically anybody who asks, even during the heartbreak of high-speed lovemaking. Cannot be damaged by fire-based enemies. Frequently, other Jaeger pilots have heaped praise upon the pilots' general cleanliness. Everybody agrees: these pilots are fun-loving and live to piss all over some Kaiju brains.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was prone to fits of melancholy. Life was transformed permanently when parents were killed by an evil warlord. It was at the age of 5 that she discovered bathing. Reluctantly spent the next several seconds getting her ass kicked in a hidden temple. Each sexual fuck-up was a step away from the bloody satisfaction that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because her mother forced her to. With a fighting style that combined the speed of a scampering ferret with drunkenly unpredictable passion, termed "Elegant Armadillo Style", she soon gained the attention of some homeless guy.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her first fight against a kaiju was a splendid success despite annoying the shit out of the old lady down the block. According to survivors, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was burned to the ground.

In the aftermath of the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to bat boy for the Mets by a guy that wandered in off of the street and was pretty much just into promoting people.

"You, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there with a dick in your ass, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything she taught you and react to the new situation at hand. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.