kainemaxwell

Age: 43
Gender: M
Location: Dover, NJ

Joined: 17 years ago on 02/27/04
Last Visit: 9 years ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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kainemaxwell is currently piloting GORILLA WILDEBEEST with emochu

GORILLA WILDEBEEST's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Thousand-Suckerpunch Assault
• Retribution Punch Thrust

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply ferocious massages to other Jaegers, even during the mayhem of undercover lovemaking. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Eruption, a plan to use an experimental, secret atomic missile to end psoraisis. During the Battle Of New York, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding alcohol tolerance. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of grain alcohol and gin. At an early age, showed great aptitude for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 5 that he reached puberty. Each sexual lesson was a step away from becoming a true sexual being, and was all that his heart yearned for.

Educated by the school of life where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was the type of person that never gets invited to parties.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up success despite annoying the shit out of the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with extremely low self-esteem.

When the dust settled after the touching clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by his commanding officer.

"You, you can study the training videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there partying, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything he taught you and adapt to the fucked-up situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. And trust me, this is one soldier who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.