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Buster Machine No. 15061
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About tutsumi

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Nassau, Bahamas

Joined: 13 years ago on 02/05/08
Last Visit: 5 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Jaeger Assignment

tutsumi is currently piloting COSMIC COWBOY with Cyhretmis

COSMIC COWBOY's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Satisfaction Haymaker
  • Darkness Bodyslam Flood

DOSSIER: Role is to supply surgical offense intended to attack the Kaiju by slaughtering their reproductive organs. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they crush the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of grain alcohol and beatings. Not really devastated by the Kaiju murder of grandmother while masturbating. At an early age, showed no promise for playing the piano, but struggled with with discipline. It was at the age of 6 that he swore revenge. Eventually, he mastered the techniques of oral hygeine. Each enchanting fuck-up was a step away from the triumph that that his sense of honor demanded.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite a painful recurring prolapse because he was the one foretold by the prophecy.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a delightful affair despite annoying the shit out of his mother. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had absolutely zero friends.

Following the touching clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to bat boy for the Mets by God himself.

"People need to understand, you can study the training videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there with a dick in your ass, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you learned and adapt to the crazy situation at hand. If you don't, you're fucked. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.

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