Digital Night

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Hermitage, TN

Joined: 14 years ago on 02/27/04
Last Visit: 4 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Digital Night is currently piloting AVENGER GOITER with Mizumi

AVENGER GOITER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Multiple Battle-Axe
• Foot-Mounted Scissor

DOSSIER: Primary function is to unleash strategic offense intended to attack the Kaiju by destroying their emotions. Classified scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Defiant Magical, a plan to use a game-changing, new boner pill to hopefully end Obamacare. Certainly that one of its most celebrated moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Magical when the pilots sacrificed nearly all of the Earth's children in order to save several terabytes of pornography. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may act like a total asshole every so often. One thing is certain: these pilots are heroic and nobody questions their dedication to lovemaking abilities.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a drunken brawler. Father was prone to fits of melancholy. Existence threw a fucking curveball when goldfish were eaten by creepy street artists. It was at the age of 6 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Spent the next several hours trying to get laid in a hidden abandoned rest stop. Each enchanting lesson was a step away from the ultimate revenge that that his sense of honor demanded.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing thing that legends are made of despite annoying the shit out of Whoopi Goldberg. Thanks to his efforts, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was covered in sexual fluids.

When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to General by by popular demand.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot worse at shit in general if he opened up his hearts. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.