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Barney Stinson

Buster Machine No. 1538
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About Barney Stinson

Age: 40
Gender: M
Location: Baltimore, MD

Joined: 18 years ago on 02/27/04
Last Visit: 3 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

Public Photos

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!


Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

What do you do for fun?

“Play videogames. Play Metal Gear Solid. Watch Battlestar Galactica. Dream about Battlestar Galactica. Read, write, eat sushi. Ponder the stars. Cook!”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“QA Manager at Sparkypants Studios!”

What's your dream job?

“Creative Director/Designer in my own game company.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“Almost got arrested for blowing a vuvuzela while dressed as Multiple Man.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys or girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Here to make friends only”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Keanu Reeves”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“Depends on which planet I'm currently employed on.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“I'm not a huge anime buff, but I love Dragon Half, Ranma, Ninja Scroll, Animatrix, Dead Leaves, Appleseed, etc...”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Massive Attack, Air, Boards of Canada, Royksopp, Orbital, Nobuo Uematsu, Michael Jackson, Brian Eno, Jean Michel-Jarre, Ray Lynch, Chris Hall, Harry Gregson-Williams, Judy Blair, all 80's no matter how bad, video game soundtracks.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“I love playing videogames and reading. I write and work on game design in my spare time. I like the art of marksmanship. I love Battlestar Galactica more than 24, and that's a crazy thing to say.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“AX, Bootycon, MAGFest, DragonCon, Anime Con_carne... the usual.”

Into games? List your favorites!

“METAL GEAR SOLID. Everything about the Metal Gear series is absolutely amazing. Shadow of the Colossus is wonderful! Perfect Dark on N64!”

Other Online Gaming Info

“StarCraft, StarCraft 2, Age of Empires II, Age of Mythology, Rise of Nations”

Jaeger Assignment

Barney Stinson is currently piloting RAINBOW COWBOY with sakana_hime

RAINBOW COWBOY's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Groin-Mounted Cutlass
  • Breathtaking Hockey Stick

DOSSIER: Role is is to supply much-needed blowjobs to other Jaegers, even during the frenzy of desperate brawls. Impervious to emotions. Perhaps that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Derelict when the pilots sacrificed countless abortion clinics in order to save a small amount of time. In the past, media pundits have heaped praise upon the pilots' general cleanliness. One thing is certain: these pilots are admirable and nobody questions their dedication to choice of personal grooming habits.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a secretary. Father was prone to fits of melancholy. Existence threw a fucking curveball when imaginary friends were killed by ninjas. It was at the age of 23 that he discovered bathing. Reluctantly spent the next several hours training his guts out in a hidden comic book store. Each surpising moment was a step closer to the ultimate revenge that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Played first base for the Mets despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because his mother forced him to.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent thing that legends are made of despite killing basically everybody. Thanks to his efforts, most of the town was saved and the rest was a goddamn mess.

Refusing to learn a lesson, he dedicated himself to drinking a lot and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

"People need to understand, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there partying, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything he taught you and adapt to the fucked-up situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, you're fucked. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.

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