Hero

Age: 39
Gender: M
Location: Long Beach, CA

Joined: 16 years ago on 02/29/04
Last Visit: 9 days ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Hero is currently piloting PATRIOT SLASHER with jennekohan

PATRIOT SLASHER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Womb-Mounted Kick Festival
• Breast-Mounted Cutlass Eruption

DOSSIER: Job is is to supply ferocious blowjobs to other Jaeger pilots, even during the confusion of sexual lovemaking. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Diddler, a plan to use a fucked-up, truly astonishing aggressive handjob technique to prolong Obamacare. In the past, experienced Jaeger pilots have wished that the pilots would improve their masturbation habits. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they destroy the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by some serious assholes in the dangerous foothills of Hell itself. At an early age, showed no promise for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with watercolor painting. It was at the age of 6 that he had a sex change. Soon, he totally failed to unlock the techniques of flower arranging. Each enchanting beat-down was a step closer to the ultimate revenge that his parents expected from him.

Became high school valedictorian despite a total lack of bowel control because of his burning passion to succeed. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with sensual power, termed "Invincible Armadillo Style", he soon gained the admiration of nudists.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a delightful triumph despite impregnating everybody in the Western Hemisphere. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had killed some pretty tough bastards in the past.

Deciding to listen to everybody else for a change, he re-dedicated himself to square dancing and has no fucking idea what he's doing.

"The thing is," says his best friend, "He'd be a lot better at piloting giant robots if he started touching himself a little more. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.