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kelldar

Buster Machine No. 1594
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About kelldar

Age: 40
Gender: M
Location: Bora-Bora, French Polynesia

Joined: 15 years ago on 02/29/04
Last Visit: 14 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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“i am not active on this site.”

What do you do for fun?

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Who Are You Looking For?

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“Guys or girls!”

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Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

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Jaeger Assignment

kelldar is currently piloting GOLDEN DANGER with ZonbiNoEega

GOLDEN DANGER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Labia-Mounted Cannon
  • Oblivion Haymaker

DOSSIER: Job is to perform strategic offense designed to pulverize the Kaiju by destroying their children. Often, spiritual advisors have wished that the pilots would improve their lovemaking abilities. One thing is certain: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and nobody questions their dedication to lovemaking abilities.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of mom you wish you had. Father was deeply in love with her. Life threw a fucking curveball when friends were kidnapped by her little brother. It was at the age of 19 that she discovered bathing. Eventually, she totally failed to unlock the art of flower arranging. Each surpising lesson was a step away from the bloody satisfaction that that her sense of honor demanded.

Befriended a troupe of playful cats despite a painful recurring prolapse because her mother forced her to. With a fighting style that combined the aroma of a scampering ferret with senseless speed, termed "Invincible Hulk Style", she soon gained the sensitive touchings of hippies.

During one drunken night, she stole a Jaeger and her first fight against a kaiju was a delightful crowd-pleaser despite impregnating her best friend. Classified intel indicates most of the town was saved and the rest was burned to the ground.

Deciding to learn a lesson, she dedicated herself to becoming a sassy black woman and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"The thing is," says her best friend, "She'd be a lot better at saving the Earth if she started touching herself a little more. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.

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