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Billy Mays

Buster Machine No. 16194
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About Billy Mays

Age: 61
Gender: M
Location: Orlando, FL

Joined: 12 years ago on 04/24/08
Last Visit: 11 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

Public Photos
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Did You Know?
  • You've viewed their Profile 1385 times
Would You Hit It? Would Billy Mays?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I am not (former "Family Feud" host) Richard Karn.”

Current Relationship Status

“Seeing some people, not tied down.”

What do you do for fun?

“Finnding even more amazing uses for Mighty Putty. I also play a mean guitar.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I let people know abotu great products that can improve their quality of life.”

What's your dream job?

“I'm living the dream!”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Classic Rock. Also, Eddie Money. but then again, he's pretty much a modern classic.”

Into games? List your favorites!


Jaeger Assignment

Billy Mays is currently piloting OVERWHELMING SLEDGEHAMMER with real mclovin'

OVERWHELMING SLEDGEHAMMER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Murderous Laser of Orgasmic Bliss
  • Taint-Mounted Shield of Luck

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support soldiers by improving their offensive capabilities. Cannot be damaged by ice-based attacks. Perhaps historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Unstoppable Hercules, during which most of Topeka was destroyed in an effort to ...well, for no apparent reason, but it looked really cool. Everybody agrees: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and have one purpose, which is to kick some Kaiju heads.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a secretary. Father was deeply in love with her. At an early age, showed great aptitude for playing the piano, but struggled with with discipline. It was at the age of 5 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Each grueling beat-down was a step toward the kind of shit that that his sense of honor demanded.

Befriended a troupe of playful cats despite a painful recurring prolapse because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked triumph despite falling in love with his copilot. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju with extremely low self-esteem.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided battle, pilot was angrily promoted to Chief Asskicker by by popular demand.

Jealous people have described his robot piloting style as "weak-ass ass-grabbing", while others have described it as "completely dope" and "some of the coolest mayhem since my dad ravaged people left and right."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.

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