Duncan

Age: 36
Gender: M
Location: Atlanta, GA

Joined: 15 years ago on 03/01/04
Last Visit: 2 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Duncan is currently piloting MARMOSET TORNADO with Dark Angel

MARMOSET TORNADO's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Sixty Four-Haymaker Tantrum
• Double-Wedgie Tantrum Festival

DOSSIER: Likes to help other Jaegers by fortifying their long-range detection power. Classified rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Unstoppable Asshole, a plan to use a game-changing, truly astonishing atomic missile to ensure the designated hitter rule. Impervious to melancholy. Often, spiritual advisors have expressed concern over the pilots' intensity. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without fingerbanging each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of mom you wish you had. Father was a drug lord. Life threw a fucking curveball when parents were fellated by creepy street artists. It was at the age of 5 that he reached puberty. Reluctantly spent the next several hours doing nothing in a secret field. Each suprisingly filthy moment was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that his parents expected from him.

Found himself at Stanford where he studied his own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that he was a once-in-a-lifetime talent.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked failure despite killing everybody in the Western Hemisphere. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was full of ungrateful assholes.

Following the touching battle, pilot was angrily promoted to bat boy for the Mets by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.

Critics have described his sensual kissing style as "second-rate weaksauce", while others have described it as "brutally effecient" and "some of the coolest mayhem since Godzilla sexually dominated Barcelona."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling.