HeavyArmsDan

Age: 36
Gender: M
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 12 years ago on 05/02/08
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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HeavyArmsDan is currently piloting THROBBING ROBO with Squee

THROBBING ROBO's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Quivering Wedgie
• Mustache-Mounted Mallet Armageddeon

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to confuse Kaiju and supply suicidally-insane massages to other Jaeger pilots. One thing is certain: these pilots are fun-loving and have one purpose, which is to break some Kaiju reproductive organs.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by wolves in the affluent suburbs of Pittsburgh. At an early age, showed no promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 6 that he reached puberty. Spent the next several seconds fighting for survival in a hidden youth hostel. Each joyful fuck-up was a step away from the kind of shit that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing failure despite falling in love with Whoopi Goldberg. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was saved and the rest was pretty happy about it.

In the aftermath of the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

So-called experts have described his combat aptitude style as "second-rate weaksauce", while mostly everybody else has described it as "instant boner material" and "some of the best mayhem since Bruce Lee destroyed most of my hometown."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.