soulbird

Age: 28
Gender: F
Location: Houston, TX

Joined: 11 years ago on 07/07/08
Last Visit: 8 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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soulbird is currently piloting UNFETTERED CUPCAKE with Bonk

UNFETTERED CUPCAKE's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Flaming Head Chop
• Dynamic Nipple Kick of Playfulness

DOSSIER: Primary role is supporting other Jaeger pilots by improving their defensive power. Cannot be damaged by fire-based attacks. Often, the pilots' parents have been awestruck by the pilots' alcohol tolerance. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they smash the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by monks in the tranquil suburbs of Mexico City. At an early age, showed no promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with potty training. It was at the age of 19 that she stopped being a huge pussy. Each suprisingly filthy beat-down was a step closer to becoming a true sexual being, and was all that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Truly blossomed in a den of thieves where she studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that she was the type of person that never gets invited to parties.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up success despite infuriating everybody in the Western Hemisphere. Thanks to her efforts, most of the town was saved and the rest was a goddamn mess.

Deciding to listen to everybody else for a change, she re-dedicated herself to totally wussing out whenever possible and has no fucking idea what she's doing.

Jealous people have described her partying style as "amateur ass-grabbing", while mostly everybody else has described it as "the kind of thing legends are made of" and "some of the best stuff since Arnold Schwartzeneggar invaded nipples everywhere."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.