monkeyg0d

Age: 43
Gender: M
Location: Eugene, OR

Joined: 12 years ago on 07/08/08
Last Visit: 4 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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monkeyg0d is currently piloting DYNAMIC FERRET with P.Y.T.

DYNAMIC FERRET's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Crushing Cudgel Storm of Knowledge
• Crimson Head Suplex

DOSSIER: Job is to support civilians by augmenting their weapons power. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they explode the Kaiju without fingerbanging each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and tough love. Not all that affected by the Kaiju murder of family dog when all he wanted was some ice cream. At an early age, showed much promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with not slaughtering literally every living being he encountered. It was at the age of 5 that he reached puberty. Reluctantly spent the next several years getting his ass kicked in a seriously shady robot repair shop. Each surpising day was a step toward being less of an asshole that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Found himself at Stanford where he studied hand-to-hand combat, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of a bull with depressingly inconsistent speed, termed "Invincible Elephant Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of nudists.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up failure despite annoying the shit out of nearly anybody that gave a shit. Due to his actions, most of the city was saved and the rest was covered in sexual fluids.

Deciding to get a clue, he dedicated himself to essentially being a huge pussy and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

"Son, you, you can study the training videos all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there partying, and half of your robot is on fire and the other half is severely damaged you better forget everything Mommy said and react to the new situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Trust me, this is one pilot who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.