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Buster Machine No. 1749
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About Ozymandias

Age: 34
Gender: M
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Joined: 14 years ago on 03/02/04
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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  • You've viewed their Profile 2837 times
Would You Hit It? Would Ozymandias?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I'm a staunch supporter of the Oxford comma.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“Sleep. Seriously, I love having enough time to sleep. That'll last.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I crunch numbers for an ad agency. I also run a blog on the side.”

What's your dream job?

“Being a teacher at Hamburger University.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I waited over a year for service at Dennys once. Best New Years ever.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Someone who knows some good books to read. Or at least someone who reads. Billboards count.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“I don't think about long-distance relationships very often.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Anything by Adachi Mitsuru”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Country, some JPop/JRock, and Rock so light it borders on Musak”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Life is Strange, The Wolf Among Us, mobile games...basically anything that tricks me into believing I'm actually playing a game.”

Other Online Gaming Info

“Does Kingdom Hearts Unchained count?”

Jaeger Assignment

Ozymandias is currently piloting CRIMSON PUNCHER with Yvaine

CRIMSON PUNCHER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Orgasmic Bliss Uppercut
  • Foot-Mounted Mallet

DOSSIER: Job is to support soldiers by fortifying their sexual power. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they fingerbang the Kaiju without pulverizing each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a travelling Gypsy. Father was one hell of a guy -- had the kind of pecs you'd kill for. Life didn't really change much when imaginary friends were kidnapped by ninjas. It was at the age of 19 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Each withering yeast infection was a step toward the sensitive touching that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Slept with a village of hobos despite a painful recurring prolapse because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?. With a fighting style that combined the speed of a seasoned expert with sensual power, termed "Ferocious Hulk Style", he soon gained the erections of pretty much everybody.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up success despite falling in love with the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that would have made the toughest hombre you ever met shit his pants in three seconds flat.

Deciding to get a clue, he re-dedicated himself to drinking a lot and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"The thing is," says his best friend, "He'd be a lot worse at not completely getting the shit kicked out of him if he took my dick out of his mouth once in a while. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.

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