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Captain Fancy Pants

Buster Machine No. 1756
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About Captain Fancy Pants

Age: 38
Gender: M
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Joined: 18 years ago on 03/02/04
Last Visit: 3 years ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

Public Photos

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  • You've viewed their Profile 11864 times
Would You Hit It? Would Captain Fancy Pants?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“White Coke is a moniker of a variant of Coca-Cola produced in the 1940s at the request of Marshal of the Soviet Union Georgy Zhukov. Zhukov liked it and asked for its color to resemble vodka so that he would not be seen drinking Coca-Cola in public.”

What do you do for fun?

“Photography. Drunk texting. I read, watch movies, walk around until my knees hurt, and enjoy sitting outside when it's nice.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Dealing drugs of the legal variety. Studying for the MCAT/GRE while looking for a career that doesn't require grad school.”

What's your dream job?

“My dream job is not to have to have a job.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“A dvd copy of Role Models?”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Haven't a clue, but if you're one of those people who paid or were willing to pay to see Transformers, we probably won't work out.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“I think that they're hard and their success depends on how hard you both work, how secure you both are, and how much you need physical contact.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Full Metal Alchemist, Code Geass, Vampire Hunter D”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Pretty much everything. Mostly varying forms of rock.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“Anime and manga. My abilities to create costumes are well below my ocdness for costume accuracy for cosplay.”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Diablo 2, Arkham Asylum, Shadow of the Colossus”

Other Online Gaming Info

“Does wikipedia surfing count as a game?”

Jaeger Assignment

Captain Fancy Pants is currently piloting AUDACIOUS VIOLENCE with lil neko

AUDACIOUS VIOLENCE's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Nipple-Mounted Whip
  • Panda's Missiles

DOSSIER: Job is to support civilians by multiplying their sexual capabilities. Classified scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Ragnarok, a plan to use a fucked-up, secret nuclear weapon to prolong the designated hitter rule. May be vulnerable to bad advice. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will blind everybody in a one-mile radius, pretty much ruining their lives, unless both pilots have been circumcised by the same doctors. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was prone to fits of melancholy. Life didn't really change much when imaginary friends were eaten by creepy street artists. It was at the age of 6 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Gradually, he totally failed to unlock the techniques of flatulence. Each withering beat-down was a step toward becoming a true sexual being, and was all that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Educated at Oxford where he studied Eastern religion, where it soon became apparent that he was the type of person that never gets invited to parties. With a fighting style that combined the speed of a scampering ferret with sizzling levels of violence, termed "Elegant Tiger Style", he soon gained the erections of nudists.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a splendid affair despite killing the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.

Deciding to learn a lesson, he re-dedicated himself to essentially being a huge pussy and has no fucking idea what he's doing.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at saving the Earth if he started touching himself a little more. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.

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