Dr. Moustache

Age: 41
Gender: M
Location: Decatur, GA

Joined: 12 years ago on 09/28/08
Last Visit: 8 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Dr. Moustache is currently piloting BELLOWING GOITER with Panzer Panda

BELLOWING GOITER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Nimble Wedgie
• Penis-Mounted Hammer of Suffering

DOSSIER: Job is is to insult Kaiju and supply much-needed counseling services to other Jaeger pilots. Classified scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Resilient Derelict, a plan to use an experimental, new doomsday device to decisively end struggle against Kaiju. May be vulnerable to bad advice. Everybody agrees: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and nobody questions their dedication to alcohol tolerance.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by some serious assholes in the dangerous slums of Pittsburgh. Existence was transformed permanently when goldfish were kidnapped by creepy street artists. It was at the age of 6 that he swore revenge. Decided to spend the next several years sleeping in a filthy robot repair shop. Each erotic lesson was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that his heart yearned for.

Found himself at the school of hard knocks where he studied forbidden knowledge, where it soon became apparent that he was a once-in-a-lifetime talent.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane triumph despite killing a bunch of nerds. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had absolutely zero friends.

Refusing to get a clue, he dedicated himself to essentially being a huge pussy and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

Critics have described his combat aptitude style as "amateur weaksauce", while people who actually know what he's talking about have described it as "the kind of thing you jack off to" and "some of the coolest mayhem since Mike Tyson invaded my ass."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just wants to be loved.