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Monkey in Heaven

Buster Machine No. 18640
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About Monkey in Heaven

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: Jupiter, FL

Joined: 5 years ago on 11/05/08
Last Visit: 4 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Would You Hit It? Would Monkey in Heaven?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“Hello, I'm handsome”

Current Relationship Status

“Seeing some people, not tied down.”

What do you do for fun?

“Improv Comedy”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Executive Headhunter”

What's your dream job?

“Wine Vineyard Operator”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“John Wayne Bust”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Here to make friends only”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Awesome”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“I don't know”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Bleach, Narutard, Evangelion”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“The Pixies, They Might Be Giants, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Apples in Stereo, The Features.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“Watching Anime, Drinking”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“What?”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Oh, God.”

Jaeger Assignment

Monkey in Heaven is currently piloting AMBITION SLAYER with Shadwcat

AMBITION SLAYER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Sexuality Kick
  • Mustache-Mounted Boomerang

DOSSIER: Likes to help soldiers by fortifying their sensual power. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Secret Asshole, a plan to use an unbelievable, ancient concentrated energy blast to decisively end struggle against Kaiju. Certainly that one of its most celebrated moments of the war occured during Operation Defiant Magical when the pilots sacrificed two or three orphans in order to save this one guy who turned out to not even really be that important. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may explode randomly, killing everybody inside, if either pilot is Mexican, which is really racist if you think about it. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they crush the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a famous CEO. Father was an arms dealer. Not all that aroused by the conversion to Islam of his hamster while masturbating. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole. It was at the age of 6 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Each suprisingly filthy beat-down was a step toward the triumph that his parents expected from him.

Educated at the school of hard knocks where he studied astrophysics, where it soon became apparent that he was a true genius. With a fighting style that combined the aroma of a seasoned expert with unbeatable sensuality, termed "Elegant Tiger Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of commanders.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up triumph despite falling in love with nearly anybody that gave a shit. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was covered in blood.

Refusing to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he re-dedicated himself to becoming a sassy black woman and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"People need to understand, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the life or death situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one soldier who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.

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