DoomMonky

Age: 30
Gender: M
Location: Zion, IL

Joined: 5 years ago on 11/18/08
Last Visit: 43 minutes ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 9 days from now

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DoomMonky is currently piloting CHEETAH BEEFCAKE with Malkiah

CHEETAH BEEFCAKE's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Undaunted Blast
• Critical Needle

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to upset Kaiju and supply helpful counseling services to basically anybody who asks. Impervious to bad advice. Perhaps that one of its most infamous moments of the war occured during Operation Defiant Hercules when the pilots sacrificed several thousand condemned criminals in order to save a fellow Jaeger pilot. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will act like a total asshole if the pilots don't really have their shit together. Everybody agrees: these pilots are drunken and live to take a huge shit on some Kaiju friends.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a sexy robot. Father was one hell of a guy -- had the kind of pecs you'd kill for. Deeply devastated by the painful goiter loss of some shitty cat when all he wanted was some ice cream. At an early age, showed no promise for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 19 that he had a sex change. Each grueling beat-down was a step away from the sensitive touching that his heart yearned for.

Played first base for the Mets despite being completely blind because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a delightful triumph despite infuriating everybody in the Western Hemisphere. Classified intel indicates most of the city was destroyed and the rest was pretty happy about it.

Refusing to listen to everybody else for a change, he dedicated himself to experimenting with foreplay instead of jumping right into "the good stuff" and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"Buddy, you can study the training videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there fighting, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything he taught you and adapt to the life or death situation at hand. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one pilot who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.