Kirei the Klown is currently piloting EAGLE COWBOY with morningmimi
EAGLE COWBOY's special combat abilities are known to include:
Wondrous Fist Bash Overload of Joyfulness
Spicy Scissor Whirlwind
DOSSIER: Primary function is to perform sporadic offense intended to disable the Kaiju by fucking up their heads. Top-secret scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Defiant Magical, a plan to use an unbelievable, ancient concentrated energy blast to decisively end Obamacare. Cannot be damaged by violent enemies. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are admirable and live to aggressively fuck some Kaiju children.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Raised by mongooses in the tranquil slums of New York. Existence was transformed permanently when friends were kidnapped by giant robots, which is kind of a recurring here here. It was at the age of 5 that she stopped being a huge pussy. Each grueling yeast infection was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that her heart yearned for.
Played first base for the Mets despite a painful recurring prolapse because sometimes life is crazy like that.
She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked triumph despite impregnating her mother. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.
Following the touching clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to potato peeler, first class by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.
"The thing is," says her commander, "She'd be a lot better at shit in general if she took my dick out of her mouth once in a while. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"
Psyche eval recommendation: Is probably a fucking maniac.
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