prophet7 is currently piloting ELONGATED CUTTER with Business Mouse
ELONGATED CUTTER's special combat abilities are known to include:
Womb-Mounted Dildo of Joyfulness
Raging Beam of Despair
DOSSIER: Primary function is to perform intense offense designed to confuse the Kaiju by fingerbanging their assholes. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are heroic and like nothing better than to explode some Kaiju faces.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of cocaine and tough love. Existence was transformed permanently when parents were seduced by an evil warlord. It was at the age of 19 that he reached puberty. Each grueling yeast infection was a step toward the ultimate revenge that his parents expected from him.
Was accepted to Harvard despite a painful recurring prolapse because of his immense determination.
After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing success despite infuriating the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju that seemed to be addicted to heroin or something.
Following the touching battle, pilot was immediately promoted to bat boy for the Mets by the President of what remained of the world.
Critics have described his partying style as "embarrassing weaksauce", while mostly everybody else has described it as "brutally effecient" and "some of the most heroic Jaeger piloting since Arnold Schwartzeneggar ravaged nipples everywhere."
Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.
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