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Buster Machine No. 20415
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About TheColonel

Age: 37
Gender: M
Location: Grayslake, IL

Joined: 11 years ago on 05/05/09
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 23 days from now

Public Photos

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  • You've viewed their Profile 2685 times
Would You Hit It? Would TheColonel?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“There is only the Emperor, and he is our shield and protector.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“Guns: shooting, collecting, cleaning.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.


What's your dream job?

“Owner/Operator of a gaming store in Chicago.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“Nightmare world populated by Gieger monsters.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?


Into games? List your favorites!

“If the game was made, I've probably played it or at least know that it exists.”

Steam Nickname


XBox Live! Gamertag


Other Online Gaming Info

“Pick one.”

Jaeger Assignment

TheColonel is currently piloting SLASHER SHOCKER with Kaziel

SLASHER SHOCKER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Dynamite Wedgie Tantrum
  • Butt-Mounted Sword

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash furious offense designed to destroy the Kaiju by destroying their emotions. In the past, homeless men have heaped praise upon the pilots' oral hygiene. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will really bum you out unless both pilots have been circumcised by the same doctors. Everybody agrees: these pilots are drunken and nobody questions their dedication to lovemaking abilities.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of cocaine and beatings. Deeply devastated by the conversion to Islam of his favorite hobo lover at the age of three. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with chapped nipples. It was at the age of 5 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Each surpising fuck-up was a step toward becoming a true sexual being, and was all that his parents expected from him.

Slept with a village of hobos despite excessive body odor because of having nothing better to do. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of a tiger with sensual speed, termed "Elegant Elephant Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of hippies.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a splendid thing that legends are made of despite infuriating Whoopi Goldberg. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.

Deciding to listen to everybody else for a change, he dedicated himself to shaving his pubes and has no fucking idea what he's doing.

So-called experts have described his combat aptitude style as "amateur ass-grabbing", while mostly everybody else has described it as "brutally effecient" and "some of the most heroic stuff since gonhorrea invaded people left and right."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.

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