aevangelica

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Joined: 11 years ago on 05/18/09
Last Visit: 5 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 301 days from now

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aevangelica is currently piloting THUNDERING MEATBALL with Arden FIERCE

THUNDERING MEATBALL's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Mustache-Mounted Black Hole Generator
• Sloppy Cricket Bat Volley of Vengeance

DOSSIER: Job is is to supply perilous blowjobs to civilians, even during the confusion of sexual lovemaking. We can safely say historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Resilient Asshole, during which most of Chicago was destroyed in an effort to capture a living Kaiju. One thing is certain: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and have an unequaled ability to fingerbang some Kaiju heads.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was prone to fits of melancholy. Life threw a fucking curveball when friends were killed by creepy street artists. It was at the age of 23 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Soon, he totally failed to unlock the secrets of drinking. Each joyful day was a step toward the ultimate revenge that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Unlocked his inner unicorn by the school of life where he studied economics, where it soon became apparent that he was the type of person that never gets invited to parties.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked affair despite infuriating his mother. According to survivors, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was full of ungrateful assholes.

Refusing to rest on his laurels, he dedicated himself to embracing his inner sensuality and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

So-called experts have described his Jaeger tactics style as "amateur ass-grabbing", while others have described it as "devastatingly effective" and "some of the toughest mayhem since my dad ravaged most of my hometown."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.