SEGA GENESIS

Age: 40
Gender: M
Location: Hoboken, NJ

Joined: 18 years ago on 05/10/04
Last Visit: 14 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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SEGA GENESIS is currently piloting COURAGEOUS VALKYRIE with JTARI

COURAGEOUS VALKYRIE's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Madness Blast
• Buttered Boomerang

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support other Jaegers by fortifying their sexual power. Top-secret whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Asskicking, a plan to use an unbelievable, ancient aggressive handjob technique to ensure psoraisis. One thing is certain: these pilots are admirable and live to punch some Kaiju feelings.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Loving family provided a strict diet of cocaine and comic books. Life didn't really change much when friends were fellated by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 19 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each surpising day was a step toward being less of an asshole that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Was accepted to Harvard despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because he was the one foretold by the prophecy. With a fighting style that combined the gassy outbursts of a tiger with sizzling brutality, termed "Ferocious Falcon Style", he soon gained the erections of nudists.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a delightful success despite "accidentally" killing a bunch of nerds. Due to his actions, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was incinerated.

In the aftermath of the grueling battle, pilot was immediately promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.

"People need to understand, you can read the textbooks all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there partying, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything you think you know and react to the life or death situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Trust me, this is one pilot who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.