The happy sausage artist

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Elkridge, MD

Joined: 8 years ago on 09/08/09
Last Visit: 3 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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The happy sausage artist is currently piloting SCORPION PLATYPUS with trampersand

SCORPION PLATYPUS's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Steamy Choke-Hold
• Finishing Flamethrower

DOSSIER: Role is is to annihilate Kaiju and supply perilous repair services to soldiers. Impervious to party drugs. As we all know that one of its most celebrated moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Freedom when the pilots sacrificed several hundred condemned criminals in order to save a single flower. Sometimes, media pundits have been awestruck by the pilots' intensity. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may explode randomly, killing everybody inside, if the pilots don't really have their shit together. Everybody agrees: these pilots are terrifying and nobody questions their dedication to alcohol tolerance.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Loving family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and religion. Life was transformed permanently when parents were kidnapped by assassins. It was at the age of 6 that he discovered bathing. As time progressed, he mastered the secrets of oral hygeine. Each grueling day was a step closer to the bloody satisfaction that his heart yearned for.

Was accepted to Harvard despite a painful recurring prolapse because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up crowd-pleaser despite impregnating a bunch of innocent bystanders. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju that had killed some pretty tough bastards in the past.

Deciding to learn a lesson, he re-dedicated himself to becoming a sassy black woman and is basically doing alright.

"Listen up, rookie, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there fighting, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you think you know and adapt to the fucked-up situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just wants to be loved.