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Kev

Buster Machine No. 22146
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About Kev

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 7 years ago on 12/11/09
Last Visit: 40 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 573 days from now

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Would You Hit It? Would Kev?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“Like I always say: if you're gonna go down, make sure you're burning brighter than the other assholes going down with you.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“Considering how I feel about short-distance relationships, I'm going to go with NO.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Into games? List your favorites!

“There's only one game I love. THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME.”

Steam Nickname

“Coskev”

XBox Live! Gamertag

“Brimfire”

Other Online Gaming Info

“Spankwire.com”

Jaeger Assignment

Kev is currently piloting MAJESTY COMET with Tiffins

MAJESTY COMET's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Taint-Mounted Halberd
  • Divine Fist Wedgie

DOSSIER: Job is is to attack Kaiju and supply courageous repair services to soldiers. May be vulnerable to emotions. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to blind everybody in a one-mile radius, pretty much ruining their lives, if either pilot is Mexican, which is really racist if you think about it. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are erotic and nobody questions their dedication to sexual health.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of popcorn and beatings. Deeply aroused by the cyborg conversion of his hamster at one really bizarre county fair. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with getting thrown out of pet stores because of inappropriate touching. It was at the age of 5 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Gradually, he learned the techniques of Hokuto Shinken. Each withering lesson was a step toward the ultimate revenge that his parents expected from him.

Became high school valedictorian despite a total lack of bowel control because his mother forced him to. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of a drunken sailor with erotic brutality, termed "Elegant Hulk Style", he soon gained the admiration of commanders.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a rousing thing that legends are made of despite infuriating a bunch of innocent bystanders. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had pretty much no fucking clue at all.

Deciding to get a clue, he re-dedicated himself to shaving his pubes and is basically doing alright.

So-called experts have described his partying style as "amateur bullshit", while others have described it as "the kind of thing legends are made of" and "some of the coolest Jaeger piloting since Mike Tyson invaded my ass."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.

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