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Buster Machine No. 2219
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About Patches

Age: 36
Gender: F
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Joined: 15 years ago on 06/09/04
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Would You Hit It? Would Patches?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys or girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Jaeger Assignment

Patches is currently piloting CARBUNCLE HOTDOG with sarahoutloud

CARBUNCLE HOTDOG's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Nuclear Sword
  • Labia-Mounted Boomerang of Darkness

DOSSIER: Role is is to supply ferocious massages to friendly forces, even during the melancholy of undercover battles. Impervious to emotions. During the Battle Of Washington D.C., pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to look really cool while simultaneously displaying outstanding lovemaking abilities. Frequently, homeless men have wished that the pilots would improve their sexual health. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will blind everybody in a one-mile radius, pretty much ruining their lives, every so often. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they kick the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by mongooses in the idyllic suburbs of Tanzania. Deeply affected by the cyborg conversion of family dog because it was her idea in the first place. At an early age, showed much promise for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole. It was at the age of 5 that she had her entire body replaced by cyborg components. Eventually, she mastered the techniques of martial arts. Each grueling fuck-up was a step toward the sensitive touching that her parents expected from her.

Befriended a troupe of playful cats despite being addicted to blowjobs because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a completely insane failure despite falling in love with her mother. Thanks to her efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was covered in blood.

Refusing to learn a lesson, she dedicated herself to essentially being a huge pussy and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "She'd be a lot worse at piloting giant robots if she started touching herself a little more. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."

Psyche eval recommendation: May be unfit for duty.

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