Lord Not-To-Fucked-With

Age: 39
Gender: M
Location: Perry Hall, MD

Joined: 10 years ago on 05/10/10
Last Visit: 5 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 26 days from now

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Lord Not-To-Fucked-With is currently piloting NIMBLE LUMBERJACK with Orgato

NIMBLE LUMBERJACK's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Mustache-Mounted Sword
• Audacious Head Pound Attack

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply helpful repair services to basically anybody who asks, even during the confusion of desperate brawls. In the past, homeless men have complimented the pilots' choice of personal grooming habits. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they piss all over the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and intellectual stimulation. Life threw a fucking curveball when parents were kidnapped by ninjas. It was at the age of 19 that he discovered bathing. Gradually, he totally failed to unlock the secrets of babysitting. Each enchanting lesson was a step away from the sensitive touching that his heart yearned for.

Slept with a village of hobos despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because sometimes life is crazy like that. With a fighting style that combined the lewdness of a drunken sailor with depressingly inconsistent sensuality, termed "Invincible Falcon Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of his master.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a rousing triumph despite infuriating Whoopi Goldberg. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju with unmatched power and ferocity.

When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was angrily promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Fucked-With by his commanding officer.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot worse at piloting giant robots if he stopped being an asshole. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Could save us all someday.