Tulip O'Hare

Age: 38
Gender: F
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Joined: 10 years ago on 06/06/10
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Status: Airlocked
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

• You've viewed their Profile 5406 times

[current user isn't logged in]

Tulip O'Hare is currently piloting DEPRAVED LUMBERJACK with Malkut

DEPRAVED LUMBERJACK's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Quadruple-Wedgie Spasm
• Intoxicated Foot Tackle

DOSSIER: Role is is to upset Kaiju and supply ferocious repair services to soldiers. During the Battle Of Paris, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding masturbation habits. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of 'earthy' lesbian that has huge arms and is really into the Indigo Girls. Father was a drug lord. Not really affected by the Kaiju murder of her hamster while masturbating. At an early age, showed great aptitude for playing the piano, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 19 that she had her entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each erotic yeast infection was a step closer to the true mastery of self-control that that her sense of honor demanded.

Became high school valedictorian despite excessive body odor because sometimes life is crazy like that.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her first fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent affair despite falling in love with Whoopi Goldberg. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju that had absolutely zero friends.

Refusing to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, she dedicated herself to square dancing and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"The thing is," says her commander, "She'd be a lot better at embracing my love if she took my dick out of her mouth once in a while. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just wants to be loved.