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Achtung! Wafflesnatchers

Buster Machine No. 23678
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About Achtung! Wafflesnatchers

Age: 74
Gender: M
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 9 years ago on 09/26/10
Last Visit: 17 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 193 days from now

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Would You Hit It? Would Achtung! Wafflesnatchers?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys or girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Here to make friends only”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Jaeger Assignment

Achtung! Wafflesnatchers is currently piloting PULSATING BASTARD with libations

PULSATING BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Sixty Four-Strike Formation Armageddeon
  • Triple-Nippletwister Orgy

DOSSIER: Job is is to attack Kaiju and supply tricky blowjobs to soldiers. Cannot be damaged by ice-based Kaiju. Perhaps historians will eventually salute the pilots for their role in Operation Flagrant Eruption, during which most of Citizen's Bank Park was destroyed in an effort to get laid. Frequently, experienced Jaeger pilots have wished that the pilots would improve their alcohol tolerance. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of grain alcohol and beatings. Not all that devastated by the death of grandmother guys that really knew how to party, in his own way. At an early age, showed much promise for playing the piano, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 5 that he discovered bathing. Each erotic beat-down was a step away from being less of an asshole that his heart yearned for.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite being addicted to blowjobs because sometimes life is crazy like that. With a fighting style that combined the tendency toward inappropriate touching of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with sensual passion, termed "Elegant Monkey Style", he soon gained the attention of hippies.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a delightful crowd-pleaser despite "accidentally" killing his copilot. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju with some of the weakest bullshit attacks ever seen by mankind.

Following the grueling battle, pilot was angrily promoted to Chief Asskicker by his first grade teacher.

Haters have described his combat aptitude style as "amateur weaksauce", while people who actually know what he's talking about have described it as "awesome" and "some of the toughest Jaeger piloting since my dad invaded nipples everywhere."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling.

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