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all.things.serve.the.beam

Buster Machine No. 24866
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About all.things.serve.the.beam

Age: 30
Gender: F
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Joined: 3 years ago on 06/26/11
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 943 days from now

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  • You've viewed their Profile 688 times
Would You Hit It? Would all.things.serve.the.beam?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I won! WITH SCIENCE!”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Actuary. I get paid to do financial math.”

What's your dream job?

“Novelist, Forensic Pathologist.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“Your mom.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys or girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Ghost in the Shell, Evangelion, Trigun, Samurai Champloo, Cowboy Bebop. Spirited Away, Ponyo, Paprika. I'm sure there are a lot more.”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“TOOL, Puscifer, Bjork, Gorillaz, Beck, Lonely Island, Massive Attack, Steely Dan, Nine Inch Nails, Electric Six, The Mars Volta, MSI (and, by extension, The Left Rights), Fiona Apple, VAST, Rammstein, The Chemical Brothers, and just lots more.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“I'm not big on cons, but my first was MAGFest and that was pretty fun, social awkwardness aside. So who knows what's next.”

Into games? List your favorites!

“God of War, Katamari, Kingdom Hearts, Nier, Dynasty Warriors (& related), FFVII.”

Jaeger Assignment

all.things.serve.the.beam is currently piloting INCREDIBLE KANGAROO with R-Do

INCREDIBLE KANGAROO's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Enlightenment Choke-Hold
  • Quadruple-Bash Spasm

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support civilians by improving their offensive capabilities. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Rumble, a plan to use an experimental, secret fried chicken recipe to end the designated hitter rule. May be vulnerable to bad advice. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will perform like a real pussy unless both pilots have been circumcised by the same doctors. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are erotic and nobody questions their dedication to masturbation habits.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Homeless family provided a strict diet of encouragement and church-going. Life didn't really change much when goldfish were killed by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 23 that she reached puberty. Reluctantly spent the next several years battling for her life in a hidden gay bath house. Each enchanting yeast infection was a step closer to the bloody satisfaction that her parents expected from her.

Slept with a village of hobos despite being addicted to blowjobs because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a splendid success despite killing her best friend. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.

When the dust settled after the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to Corporal by her first grade teacher.

"Buddy, you can read the textbooks all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything you learned and adapt to the life or death situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. Trust me, this is one soldier who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: May be unfit for duty.

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