avarisa

Age: 34
Gender: F
Location: Louisville, KY

Joined: 9 years ago on 10/24/11
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 32 days from now

• You've viewed their Profile 1370 times

[current user isn't logged in]

avarisa is currently piloting LACTATING VORTEX with AnimeTechWolf

LACTATING VORTEX's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Passionate Sword
• Austistic Strike Technique

DOSSIER: Primary role is supporting basically anybody who asks by improving their long-range detection capabilities. Classified scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Defiant Eruption, a plan to use a game-changing, truly astonishing fried chicken recipe to hopefully end Obamacare. Cannot be damaged by sensitive caresses. In the past, media pundits have heaped praise upon the pilots' combat effectivness. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to act like a total asshole every so often. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a sexy robot. Father was one hell of a guy -- had the kind of pecs you'd kill for. Not really affected by the conversion to Islam of her hamster while masturbating. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with not slaughtering literally every living being she encountered. It was at the age of 5 that she discovered bathing. Reluctantly spent the next several seconds doing nothing in a filthy toy store. Each withering lesson was a step toward the triumph that her parents expected from her.

Truly blossomed by the school of life where she studied her own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that she was a true genius.

During one drunken night, she stole a Jaeger and her debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked affair despite killing her mother. Thanks to her efforts, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was pretty fucked-up to begin with so who cares really.

When the dust settled after the grueling clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to Head Badass by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

"People need to understand, you can study the training videos all day long," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything she taught you and adapt to the life or death situation right in front of you. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.